Shattered

Two years ago I was down in Falmouth.

Now I’m tired all the time, I try and do things and end up shattered.

I get fed up of having to take tablets everyday. Sometimes they have to be tweaked to adjust how my body copes with things. Currently I’ve stopped one type of tablet and have started on something new. All this takes time to get used to.

Life consists of doing a few things to try and keep contact with friends, but not really being able to cope with day to day tasks. My sister bought me a jar and bottle gripper a few weeks ago. It’s been a godsend because I’ve lost strength in my arms and hands. People of a certain age will have heard of Pansy Potter, the strong man’s daughter. I used to be really strong and, able to pick up heavy weights or open tightly closed jars, what happened to me? I’ve suddenly realised I have got old. I don’t mind looking old, but I wish I was able to get back some of my fitness. I know it’s important to keep moving if you have Parkinsons, but it’s hard when you feel tired. I want to go back in time. I want my life back.

Sorry, moaning over.

Can you act?

I treated myself to an acting workshop for my birthday. It was a bit of a random choice, but I’ve found myself stuttering more since I got Parkinsons disease and I thought it might help my concentration and confidence.

Luckily some of my friends were also there which made me feel less anxious. We started out being given various exercises. First we had to look at someone in a large circle of people and then point at them. The person had to say ‘yes’ which gave the person pointing permission to walk over to them. In the meantime that person had to point to someone new, be acknowledged with a yes and then move on.

It wasn’t complicated, but it was hard to get your head round. It’s hard to just explain it. A few people said yes and started moving themselves instead of waiting for the other person to move. We eventually went on to counting, so it was like a moving conversation with numbers instead of words. Confusing for some, and hard not to make mistakes.

At the half way point we were given short pieces of dialogue. We were then split into groups of two and asked to read through the scripts and pick out concrete facts, not opinions. So you could say those facts could ground the performance, whilst opinions in the scripts could change how you felt about your partners character.

The whole workshop showed how important listening and reacting to another actor is. I don’t know if it helped my confidence but I have to say I enjoyed it. It was run by Claybody Theatre, based at the Dipping House, at Spode Works, Stoke, Stoke-on-Trent.

Scenery

So tired,

A day full of painting ad singing, I was helping with the Molly Leigh project at BArts. I offered to paint a picture for a wall in the witches cottage, I ended up painting a fireplace too. I only did the morning as I wanted to join the choir and to be honest I was so stiff and tired after I’d been painting I almost fell asleep in my chair!

Progress

This is hard work, I don’t shake as much when I’m concentrating but the tremors of Parkinsons make small details difficult. I try and hold my breath and clamp my arm against my body. In fact I’m having to redo sections because I’m not happy with the results, but I will persevere, memory of Molly, work in progress. Acrylic on canvas. Copy of a mural I did at the Leopard Hotel in Burslem, Stoke-on-Trent. Difficult to reproduce the same feeling.