Tag: organised

Stuck

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Not My house.

Six months after he died and I’m still stuck. It’s hard to move things, clear them away. I feel like I’m walking through treacle. I’ve got too much stuff, mine and his. I’m still holding tight to things.

Can I donate to charity? Or sell things? Or bin things? But I’m still attached. I can’t do anything but look at things, I rarely move any of it. My mind is fused into a lump of static thoughts, unable to move on.

Maybe I’m overdramaticising the situation? I don’t know, but I think it might take years to get sorted out. I’ve done a lot of the legal stuff and paperwork, but forty years of belongings, especially when you have been with someone for so long, are hard to organise.

Getting organised

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What’s your #1 priority tomorrow?

I’ve been disorganised and muddled for a while. I need to get some semblance of organisation back in my life.

So, I am trying to use my diary more, and not ignore it. I’ve got into the habit of moving things on instead of doing things. I’ve got to stop. I think I mustn’t overload myself with plans.

My main problem is procrastination. Like a rabbit caught in the headlights, I get worried about how I’m going to get something done, that leads to anxiety, and I find it easier not to do the thing that needs doing.

Life has a way of getting involved, things crop up and stop you in your tracks. Pain and anxiety mix into a cocktail of disasters. The world spins you round the wrong way and everything gets out of kilter.

So now I have to start getting over things, I need to break my fears down into achievable goals, or I will just sink into a deeper mess. Getting organised is definitely my number one priority.

Trying to work things out.

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The weekend before last was lovely, we went out with an art group and enjoyed visiting am old house. I walked round the grounds despite having a sore foot, it made climbing slopes difficult but I was OK.

When we got home the car door swung shut on my other leg. The wind had caught it and the corner of the door sliced into my calf muscle slightly, it bled but I put a dressing on it and it seemed OK.

THEN, I was walking upstairs a couple of days later, something seemed to snap in my bad foot. I rang the doctors and they said ring an ambulance. Which I did. They said it wasn’t broken and there was nothing to do but weight bear on my bad foot. Hubby even bought me crutches so I can hobble about. At that stage my other leg still seemed fine, I even got the paramedics to look at it. But over the last couple of days it’s started to weep. I don’t know what to do. Hubby says it looks a bit messy but I can’t see round the side. I will ring the doctors in the morning.

Life is strange. I’ve gone from being the carer to being cared for. Which means I can’t do things for myself like cooking and cleaning, but I have to give hubby instructions. I feel like my head will explode with frustration. I don’t know if the doctors can help. I can’t drive anywhere or even get out of the house down the step. Oh I’m fed up!