I usually feel better in summer, at the moment the daylight is increasing and I feel slightly more productive. I somehow usually come out of myself in the spring, and as the season progresses I feel more enthusiastic.
Spring flowers
This year? I don’t know, I’ve spent a lot of time just staring at things. My motivation is really low. I don’t go out much so I probably low on vitamin D. I will try and get over the feeling of sadness and anxiety. I would like to be more productive as the days lengthen. I will have to see what happens.
Something stirs inside me about a fortnight before I have an exhibition of my art (it doesn’t happen very often). I’ve probably had seven or eight solo exhibitions in my life and some group ones.
Suddenly I get the urge to create and I can produce several paintings in a very short time. It doesn’t matter what the subject is, I become very concentrated on what I want to produce. It’s like time changes and I can be working till 3 or 4 in the morning without realising how time is flying (is this flow?). At other times I feel less able to create, the switch hasn’t tripped inside my mind I guess.
Productivity has to have a reason. I need to be motivated to get work done. Every day I do a little bit of art, so over the years I must have been very productive, but now with my health I am slowing down. Something I could do quickly takes more time. I feel that, it makes me sad and annoyed with myself. I really want to turn the clock back a few years, but I guess that’s not going to happen, so I’ll keep trying to carry on. I use different media and have recently tried charcoal and pastels as well as my usual acrylic paint on canvas.
Mallaband-Brown 