God preserve me from student funding!

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Or how to get very annoyed in five months!

I applied for funding.

They said ‘we need more proof’

I said ‘I sent it in?’

They said, ‘you missed a word’

I said, ‘here is that word’

I rang.

They said ‘the word was wrong, please re-send in CAPITALS’

I SENT THE WORD BACK.

I RANG.

‘We duplicated your account’

‘I can’t answer that, it’s on your other account’

I said, ‘I have two letters one reference 123456789,

The other 987654321,’

‘we will merge them’

A letter arrives, ‘we confirm you identity,

but you need to put in an application’

I ring ‘you had that in April’

Later ‘we have approved your finance,

Please ask your university to confirm you are on the course’

The university did.

This week.

No money yet

Emailed university

They replied ‘student finance say problem with your bank account’

I couldn’t make it up!

Grr!