We sat and planned places to go. He wanted to go to the East coast and Scotland. I wanted to go to Devon and the Lake district. We thought over the next few years we would visit places like Cardiff or the Angel of the North.

It would be our big adventure. The time would be set aside, we would get cat sitters and take a few days away. Not months, but enough to explore places.

What was stopping us? I was nervous of driving long distances after developing shakes a couple of years ago. He didn’t drive because of his anxiety. But I’d hoped that I would have a diagnosis and get better. I would have loved to go to those places.

But things happened, Covid came and went, trains were unreliable, neither of us liked coaches, we preferred the freedom of our car. In the last year though we drove less than 500 miles. We stuck to places we knew and enjoyed.

Why am I mentioning this? Watching TV, seeing a destination that I might still visit, but without him? What’s the point? He was my partner, life time companion, friend, and I want him back!