Mum why are you waving that slab of plastic in my face? I can’t see you because it’s in the way? Your eyes are always on it. Hunched over it. At least when you used a keyboard I could walk over that and sit on it and make lo[[[tttttttttttttttttttssssss of letters with it!

Mum do stop with your hands on the front of it! I want you to look at me, stroke my nose, rub my head, tickle my ears.

Oh you are not interested? Then I’ll look the other way…